Recorded in one take, mixed to tape, slowed down and mangled and tossed out there in the world with really no regard. I don't think i've even listened through this whole song before uploading it.
Cover photo taken Jan 1, 2020 in my father's hospice room, he is lying asleep just outside the frame. I have had this image for a while and i wanted to make some sort of music to go with it. After 2 years of thinking about sad, beautiful funereal type sentimental stuff it hit me. There's nothing beautiful about this. There was no reason for sentimental, syrupy violins or any of that shit. Death is ugly, and it hurts, even when you're pumped full of Morphine and Ativan in your comfortable hospice bed. They drop you in that room, and keep you sedated until you stop breathing.
Then they call your son, and he comes in and they hand him a bag with the outfit you were wearing when this final scene started. Your baseball cap with the fish on it, your khaki pants, your button down shirt that your wife bought you before became too sick to remember who you were. your comfortable senior guy walking shoes, your sunglasses that you've kept in good shape since the 70s and never lost. They hand that bag to your son, point him to the door, and leave him standing in the parking lot alone with this noise in his head, thinking "really? here? here is where it ends?"
As good a place as any.
released April 29, 2022
john oleary - all instruments, treatments and electronics.